Have you heard Tim McGraw’s song “Standing Room Only”? The song has been playing on my Pandora app a lot lately. The lyrics really made me think about how I’m living my life and some of the trivial things I can get pretty worked up about. That song is the inspiration for my thoughts below.
I think as a culture, we are addicted to being offended and taking the actions of others personally. We don’t like to take responsibility and be accountable for our actions, while giving others grace and the benefit of the doubt. When you think of the friends and acquaintances you love to be around the most, why do you like them? I bet it’s because they’re always friendly, they’ve always got a smile for you, a joke or entertaining story, and they’re just an all around good person. In short, they have a way of making you feel like you matter no matter what’s going on in their life.
Have you ever thought about who would actually attend your funeral and what people would say about you? Like really thought about it? Sure, it’s morbid and not that fun to think about, but I think it’s such a good reality check. The truth is, in the end – not many of those little things we spend our days fretting about matter, and just about the only thing that does is how you treated people during your lifetime.
“I wanna take my grudges and my old regrets, and let ’em go
I wanna learn how to say a lot more yes and a lot less no
Girl, I wanna dance and shout and love out loud, and come alive
Don’t wanna be the guy too cool to laugh and too scared to cry”
There is so much talk about setting boundaries and saying no often; don’t get me wrong – there’s definitely a time and place for it. I’m not referring to cases of manipulation or abuse in this post. You can’t spend your life getting run over and used, but you miss out on so much time with others if you aren’t willing to say yes to them and do things that don’t just benefit yourself. I’m referring to saying no because the invite you got maybe isn’t your cup of tea or something that you’re super interested in. Maybe you don’t know the person well or you feel like you’re maxed out on the time you can spend on someone else.
What are you really accomplishing by saying no, just to stay home alone and binge watch TV or mindlessly scroll through social media? Humans need humans and I think we have become so independent that sometimes we forget that. It’s good for people to be around people. Some of the best memories in my life are last minute changes in plans where I really didn’t feel like going, but made myself get ready and tag along when I got an invite to go do something out of my comfort zone.
Slow down and take time to just spend the time, go to someone’s competition or event and support them, help them out with a project, be a friend they can just run errands and grab coffee with, get to know their kids and spouse, be low maintenance and someone who doesn’t need grand entertainment to be willing to give your time.
When you do give your time and resources to someone, do it because you want to and enjoy the experience. Be present. Don’t do it in expectation of getting something from them in return, many times – you won’t and there’s nothing wrong with that. Honestly, the feeling that I’m indebted to someone just because they were kind to me is exhausting and prevents me from really enjoying the experience of being treated well. I think overall, people enjoy doing nice things for others and having a good conversation with someone old or new.
I think our mental health as a whole has deteriorated due to a culture of setting boundaries and saying no to anything that doesn’t directly serve us. I see it every day when I browse through social media. Everywhere we turn, we’re told to hustle, hustle, hustle – work hard to build something worth leaving behind; cut out everything that doesn’t serve you. Why does everything we do have to directly benefit ourselves? Can’t we spend our time doing things we don’t really care about, with people that we do care about? What about just being someone worth remembering, do we really need to hustle every second away trying to build something?
“I get so mad at things that don’t matter way too much
I let the way back when’s and my old friends scatter like they were dust
I get to chasin’ that rainbow pot of gold right into the pourin’ rain
With nothin’ to show for it, standin’ there soakin’ wet”
Have you ever met someone who thinks it’s everyone else’s responsibility to greet them or invite them or include them? Someone who is never the first to greet anyone, but takes it personally when someone doesn’t greet them? I do, it was me about ten years ago. I’ve always been able to remember peoples faces and names, but I would leave it up to the other person to reach out to me before I’d get out of my comfort zone and make the first move in starting a conversation; and if someone didn’t, I’d take it personally.
I’ve actively worked on it every time I’m out amongst people since then. It’s so easy to put the responsibility on everyone else, but what if those people were just like me – and thought I was rude and didn’t care for them because I was unwilling to make the first move? It’s ridiculous to think this way; eventually no one would ever talk to anyone else. In reality, people are just busy or distracted or have social anxiety. It’s a very rare occasion that people are unfriendly for the purpose of being mean or rude.
If you are someone that is offended when someone doesn’t greet you or remember you, switch it up and be the one who greets and remembers everyone. You’ll be shocked at all the people who are willing to visit and chat, and pretty soon they’ll greet you first when they see you. I really do believe that it’s obvious to others when you walk around expecting everyone else to be friendly, when you yourself are unwilling to take the plunge. It quickly drives people away from you rather than inviting them to chat.
Expectations without communication is a recipe for disappointment. If you are going to take something personal, make sure you give the other person the opportunity to make it personal. Don’t just assume someone didn’t make a point to visit with you because they don’t like you, say hi to them and give them the opportunity to respond instead of making assumptions. Most likely, they were distracted or busy or dealing with circumstances you know nothing about and will be more than happy to visit.
” Start forgivin’ and start forgettin’
Be somebody that’s worth rememberin’
Live a life so when I die
There’s standing room only, standing room only “
I’ve found that the easiest way to be happy is to extend grace to almost everyone and believe they’re doing the best they can. I think in general, people truly are. Everyone gets those feel good endorphins from helping others out and being friendly – it’s a universal human reaction.
There’s definitely something to the statement – when someone shows you who they are, believe them; but in my opinion it’s a partial statement that’s missing key information. Put it back on yourself first; did you clearly communicate with them or did you set expectations for them that they didn’t know anything about and then get upset when they didn’t meet your unspoken expectation?
Everyone would prefer to be friends with those magical people who just show up at the perfect times and say the perfect things; but in reality, we’re all just imperfect people doing the best that we can to get through.
7 responses to “Standing Room Only”
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Awesome perspective – Things to consider moving forward in everyday opportunities!
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Lot of wisdom tied up in this post.
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Beautifully written!
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Love this!! So true and a great reminder!!!
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Great message…inspiring!
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So true! Great post, I love your site!
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Thank you!
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Cheyenne
David Hefner
Jackie Jacobson
Mindy Reiss
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